Agency
5.16.2010 by Colee
"This is a gospel of agency." This off the cuff remark, which was actually part of a joke has been running through my head for last 24 hours. I am not sure why it is such an "aha" for me today, but it really is true. Not only do we have our agency, but we allow others there's. “We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.” (Article of Faith 11)
I think sometimes it's easy to forget. We want so much for people to do the things we know will make them happy, or the things we think they should do, or even the things that will make US happy, that we have to let them make their choices and live with their consequences. Of course, we don't have to stand by and let them make ALL the possible mistakes there are. We are given the chance to help them learn, help them see the possibilities, try to help them look forward. But in the end, we each are responsible for our own choices.
And even more, we are all only a little piece of this puzzle. If we can feel so much desire to help the people we love to do what is right, how much more must our Heavenly Father desire for all of His children to make the right choices. And HE actually knows what ALL of those right choices are... our view is so limited.
There is a person who seems bent on being as difficult as possible. She seems especially skilled in finding fault, even where there is none, and pointing it out in a manner to make the "faulted" person feel bad about themselves. Living in a small community means that everyone is aware of what she is doing. The interesting part is that she seems unable to find fault in herself. For the past few months whenever I think about this person, it makes me angry. I dwell on all of the things she should be aware of and how she should have to feel as bad as the other dear sweet people she seems to need to bring down. It's not healthy, and I am not proud of it. The comment about agency also got me thinking about this woman. She has her agency. I can't take it away from her, no matter how many people she hurts. She still has the choice to use her words to tear people down. I am trying to change the way I think, how am I using my agency? Wanting to make her feel bad, puts me on the same level as her. Two wrongs, still don't make a right. What I can do, is try to make MY choices better. I can try to use my words, my actions, to lift people.
Ok... so now I am just rambling a little, and maybe this particular ramble isn't something I should be broadcasting on the world wide web, but I am curious. I know you people are amazing, and so much more advanced than I am - have you ever had a person like this in your life? How did you rise above the situation? What can I do to feel better about her? Feel free to comment, or you know email me :) I really would appreciate any advice you have to offer.
I think sometimes it's easy to forget. We want so much for people to do the things we know will make them happy, or the things we think they should do, or even the things that will make US happy, that we have to let them make their choices and live with their consequences. Of course, we don't have to stand by and let them make ALL the possible mistakes there are. We are given the chance to help them learn, help them see the possibilities, try to help them look forward. But in the end, we each are responsible for our own choices.
And even more, we are all only a little piece of this puzzle. If we can feel so much desire to help the people we love to do what is right, how much more must our Heavenly Father desire for all of His children to make the right choices. And HE actually knows what ALL of those right choices are... our view is so limited.
There is a person who seems bent on being as difficult as possible. She seems especially skilled in finding fault, even where there is none, and pointing it out in a manner to make the "faulted" person feel bad about themselves. Living in a small community means that everyone is aware of what she is doing. The interesting part is that she seems unable to find fault in herself. For the past few months whenever I think about this person, it makes me angry. I dwell on all of the things she should be aware of and how she should have to feel as bad as the other dear sweet people she seems to need to bring down. It's not healthy, and I am not proud of it. The comment about agency also got me thinking about this woman. She has her agency. I can't take it away from her, no matter how many people she hurts. She still has the choice to use her words to tear people down. I am trying to change the way I think, how am I using my agency? Wanting to make her feel bad, puts me on the same level as her. Two wrongs, still don't make a right. What I can do, is try to make MY choices better. I can try to use my words, my actions, to lift people.
Ok... so now I am just rambling a little, and maybe this particular ramble isn't something I should be broadcasting on the world wide web, but I am curious. I know you people are amazing, and so much more advanced than I am - have you ever had a person like this in your life? How did you rise above the situation? What can I do to feel better about her? Feel free to comment, or you know email me :) I really would appreciate any advice you have to offer.
I have had individuals that make me think un-Christlike thoughts before. What has helped me in the past is to pray to have love for them. It is an agonizingly slow process but it works. Oftentimes, I find that I engage in the same behaviors that I find absolutely insufferable in others. I think being mindful of my own faults also helps me to be patient with those of others.