Holy Colee!

"This is a gospel of agency." This off the cuff remark, which was actually part of a joke has been running through my head for last 24 hours. I am not sure why it is such an "aha" for me today, but it really is true. Not only do we have our agency, but we allow others there's. “We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.” (Article of Faith 11)

I think sometimes it's easy to forget. We want so much for people to do the things we know will make them happy, or the things we think they should do, or even the things that will make US happy, that we have to let them make their choices and live with their consequences. Of course, we don't have to stand by and let them make ALL the possible mistakes there are. We are given the chance to help them learn, help them see the possibilities, try to help them look forward. But in the end, we each are responsible for our own choices.

And even more, we are all only a little piece of this puzzle. If we can feel so much desire to help the people we love to do what is right, how much more must our Heavenly Father desire for all of His children to make the right choices. And HE actually knows what ALL of those right choices are... our view is so limited.

There is a person who seems bent on being as difficult as possible. She seems especially skilled in finding fault, even where there is none, and pointing it out in a manner to make the "faulted" person feel bad about themselves. Living in a small community means that everyone is aware of what she is doing. The interesting part is that she seems unable to find fault in herself. For the past few months whenever I think about this person, it makes me angry. I dwell on all of the things she should be aware of and how she should have to feel as bad as the other dear sweet people she seems to need to bring down. It's not healthy, and I am not proud of it. The comment about agency also got me thinking about this woman. She has her agency. I can't take it away from her, no matter how many people she hurts. She still has the choice to use her words to tear people down. I am trying to change the way I think, how am I using my agency? Wanting to make her feel bad, puts me on the same level as her. Two wrongs, still don't make a right. What I can do, is try to make MY choices better. I can try to use my words, my actions, to lift people.

Ok... so now I am just rambling a little, and maybe this particular ramble isn't something I should be broadcasting on the world wide web, but I am curious. I know you people are amazing, and so much more advanced than I am - have you ever had a person like this in your life? How did you rise above the situation? What can I do to feel better about her? Feel free to comment, or you know email me :) I really would appreciate any advice you have to offer.

One of the things I like best about being from a small town, is how much things stay the same, or at least they give the illusion of doing so. However, when I got home this past weekend there were actually a couple of changes ;-) First, my mom bought a 4-wheeler. I personally find this completely amusing. She's wanted one for a long time, but I really just never thought she'd do it. Now if she would just go get the thing licensed we might actually be able to ride it. Second, we have a new batch of kittens. Even though I do not personally own them, I do actually like animals. Baby ones are the best. I am a firm believer that animals should live outside, though - which is why I don't own them. I don't have an outside for them to roam around in.
It was also fun to drive to town and see old buildings being torn down and new ones coming up. It gives the perception of change, even though nothing really does.

It's been a good weekend to be home, quiet and yet productive. Friday, Daniel, Kelly and Justin worked out in mom's yard. They got the war zone (created from digging for the plumbing this winter) leveled out and Daniel even mowed the lawn. It doesn't look like mom's yard yet, but it does look a lot more like it than it has. Saturday was community clean up day. Mom felt guilty about having to leave early for our dinner reservations, so we went and got the girls and cleaned up for a couple of hours before the rest of the folks gathered and joined us. I'm going to hand it to Tylyn and Heather. They were tired, but even so they did their part and the extra part to help out. AND they did it with out being forced to. Thanks girls!

Today was Mother's Day. I have been blessed with a particularly fabulous mother, if I do say so myself. I hope she knows every day, and not just one day a year how much I love her. I think I might have lived an extra blessed life for all the "like my mothers" I have. Aunts, neighbors, friends' moms, teachers, grandmothers, friends... my life has been full of wonderful women who have taught me what it is to care about people and to love unconditionally. To all of those I also wish a very happy mother's day.